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Mindfully Loving your Newborn - Kiddipedia Article

Posted on 30 July, 2020 at 0:20 Comments comments (0)
This was a challenging and very personal article to write but now I see it published on Kiddipedia website I'm very proud of it and hope that it will help other mothers who may have experienced PTSD around their conception, preganancy, delivery or post-natal.  


How Uncomfortable is your Comfort Zone?

Posted on 7 July, 2020 at 6:40 Comments comments (0)

In the past 12 months my comfort zone has been fairly uncomfortable :o and I’m going to share some reasons why, and my top 5 tips for making your new comfort zone feel like your old slippers in no time. 


As humans, in a 24/7 life, we are all guilty of wanting to find comfort in things that are familiar, or even a little luxurious from time to time. Hence the increase in adult onesies, weighted blankets and Uber Eats. We need comfortable stuff on hand at all times! There is nothing wrong with wanting to slip into our favourite onesie and binge on Netflix, while waiting for the Uber person to turn up. But what if we are spending too much time in our comfort zone, to the detriment of experiencing life to its fullest, or creating magical moments that will shape our life forever?


One year ago, I was in the early stages of getting my act together after a decade of onesie wearing. Well, I never actually bought a onesie but I did seem to wear my house slippers 24/7, which is an indication of being too comfy. I was comfortable in my professional life, I relaxed when I could, and I wasn’t about to do anything to change the world anytime soon. In fact, I had become so comfortable I did not really know who I was anymore. Sound familiar? :roll:


What sits in your comfort zone personally and professionally versus what sits in mine could be entirely different, but the principles are the same. If we are living in our comfort zone all the time we are not growing, learning, expanding or evolving as individuals or as a collective, and that is not so great for anyone.


 

The other reality is that many of us spend time, effort and money investing in our professional development whilst our personal development gets largely left unchecked. You could argue that you have a PDP (Personal Development Plan) at work that you signed up to, which included doing some leadership training or first aid certificate, but the truth is that this is not real personal development.


Personal development is about reflection and self-improvement of your soft skills that make up YOU. Your personality, the way you interact, the way you think, the way you relate to others; this is real personal development! A leadership course may expose you to some concepts that help you understand yourself and others better, but what then?


Developing ourselves as individual and as a collective consciousness is about expanding our relationship with ourselves and others. Really tapping into what makes you and others tick and understanding that we are connected to all other living things. Yes, we can walk and talk, but we cannot survive without all the other living things on this planet doing their part.


If you are in your comfort zone, you might check out of this story now! Or you might not, it might spark something in you! Because here is the thing, if you always listen to the same stuff, read the same news, talk to the same people, eat the same food or go to the same places, pretty soon your views will be skewed to what you see and hear most consistently.


When you decide to step outside your comfort zone you will be confronted with things that are different, new, and perhaps not what you are used to. You can adapt, take on new information, learn and grow or sneak back to your comfy sofa and hope no-one noticed you leave. OR, you can decide that you will consistently venture out into the unknown and experience life to its fullest by getting out of your comfort zone as frequently as possible. Safe in the knowledge when you are tired or need some quiet time, your onesie is waiting for you.


So how did my comfort zone start to expand and take on a new shape in the past 12 months.

 

  1. I decided that I would get fit after a decade of being unfit and overweight. This has been fairly uncomfortable I have to say. But now, I can consistently run 30-40kms per week and I’m 18kgs lighter. Plus, I feel/look 10 years younger.
  2. I rediscovered a long, lost passion and decided to share it with the world. Writing! I started publishing poems and blogs and wrote my first book.
  3. I decided to future proof myself by updating my skills and developing a passive income stream. Did you know that 40-something women experience age related discrimination, so not only do I now look younger, I have the skills of a 30-something with the experience of a 40-something!
  4. I decided to use my skills to help others and accepted a position on a Board where I can add value and practise legacy leadership.
  5. I committed to continual personal development through mindfulness, meditation, journaling and asking myself difficult questions on a regular basis.
  6. I created some boundaries in my once free-range life. This was immensely uncomfortable for a people-pleaser.
  7. I started expanding my social circle and experiencing a whole host of new content, some a bit “woo woo” but mind expanding never-the-less.
  8. I let go of judgement of myself and others and told fear to take a holiday.
  9. I started asking for help! Something very new and very frightening for me.
  10. I admitted to myself that I did not want to go on with the same life as it was, and the only way to change all that was to have some very difficult conversations, and make some new choices.

 

 


And that is how my life got very uncomfortable for a while, and rather than hide in a onesie, I decided to accept it, go with it, and release any expectations of how and where things might end up. I surrendered to discomfort and just held on tight.


 

So here are my top 5 tips to make your new comfort zone as comfortable as old slippers, in no time.

 

 

  1. Embrace change and welcome it as your friend. Don’t resist it or think, “Why is this happening to me?” - It just is, so accept it!
  2. Make personal development your focus and friend. By continually updating your soft skills you will leave people wanting more of you each time you see them. Or, you will make new connections that will open up loads more opportunities for you.
  3. Check your boundaries in your personal and professional life and firm up your fences. You can decide what is in and what is out.
  4. Spend as much time as you can in your learning and growth zone, safe in the knowledge that you can sneak back to your comfort zone for a rest whenever you need it.
  5. Listen! Listen more, talk less. Listen to your body, to nature, to children, to the elderly, to your heart.

 


Follow these top 5 tips and in no time your comfort zone will start expanding and take on a whole new landscape. And if you need someone to listen, I’m here!

This simple diagram explains our Zones of Change and you can use this model in your life.


And if you want to read a poem to inspire you click here https://www.thewellnesspoet.com/apps/photos/photo?photoid=206207380


 

 

 

Book Launch Media 2020

Posted on 5 July, 2020 at 1:25 Comments comments (0)





A Fork in the Road!

Posted on 31 May, 2020 at 22:40 Comments comments (1)

Have you found yourself at a fork in the road recently or has your bridge just completely collapsed?


Life can unravel quite quickly at times, and we can be caught off-guard and scrambling to make sense of it all, whilst grieving what we have lost. Bitterness and resentment for our situation can quickly build and it’s easy to feel that no-one understands what you are going through. Perhaps you have experienced this yourself, or have people in your life who are going through it. We are undoubtedly living in a very challenging time. And it’s even more challenging to get the right kind of support at exactly the right moment.


We have also been conditioned to keep our sufferings private and carry our burdens alone. I for one have carried many burdens since I was a young child and I was never confident or comfortable asking for help, or telling anyone my troubles. I tried to solve everything on my own, even complex problems. Perhaps it was my independence, my mis-trust for others or I didn’t want to show weakness, I’m not really sure. Does any of this sound or feel familiar to you?


Something I do know now, and think of often, is that all around me there are others, “just like me!”. Here’s some examples of what I’m talking about;

 

  • I have many friends currently unemployed and wondering when they will next be able to get a job, let alone make any money of significance. This is true now in 2020 as it was too in 2008 after the GFC.
  • I have friends who have suffered miscarriages recently and carry an enormous grief.
  • I have friends whose husbands have taken their own lives in recent years and are dealing with the trauma of that every day whilst raising their children.
  • I have friends who are separated from their families at the moment, living in other countries and wondering if they will ever get to see their relatives again.
  • I have friends who tell me that where they live, mothers are leaving their babies at drop-in centres because they can’t afford to buy food for them.
  • I have friends whose relatives are currently ill with terminal conditions and some whose relatives have recently passed away.

 

I’m pretty sure that “like me”, you too have people you know dealing with the same, or, similar circumstances. The enormity of these challenges and the way society largely functions makes it very difficult to help and support in the right way, so the person who is suffering generally suffers twice. Firstly, they suffer with the problem itself and then secondly with the notion that people won’t understand so they can’t be open about it, and therefore keep it to themselves and try to just carry on as normal.


Here’s three things I’ve learnt through my own suffering, as well as witnessed in others.

 

  1. We carry our own suffering and burdens for many years without processing them.
  2. We think that others cannot possibly understand what we are going through, if they have not walked in our shoes.
  3. We re-live our suffering day after day and feel guilty if we try to move on.

 

 

During this time of immense global suffering I also see people whose lives are largely unaffected and they carry on as normal. Their businesses are thriving, they are doing home improvements and buying pets and planning holidays. We probably all know people “just like them!”. It’s confusing isn’t it? On one hand we want to be happy for the people in our life who have normality, but on the other hand we have people we know and love truly suffering, and somewhere in the middle are many others.


It’s reported that many charities will have to close this year as they will not receive the donations needed to carry out their services. Oxfam are closing down projects and offices all over the world as I write, and it’s expected that people affected with mental health conditions will more than quadruple from the effects of Lockdown.


Here’s what I would like to suggest:

  1. Now more than ever do not carry your burdens alone.
  2. Know that there are people all around you – “just like you!”.
  3. Just because someone hasn’t walked in your shoes, it doesn’t mean they can’t give you love, compassion and encouragement, don’t close yourself off.
  4. The suffering you are feeling is real and unless you process it, make sense of it, and forgive it, the pain will damage you. You don’t need to be damaged by your pain.
  5. Humans are resilient and from our sufferings we grow strong.
  6. Sometimes you will have success and sometimes you will suffer, that’s how life is.
  7. If you have success, spare a thought for those suffering and if you can, some money to help.
  8. If you have suffering, don’t feel bitter, resentment or anger at others.
  9. If you notice yourself or others spiralling down, grab on and shout for help.
  10. Make sense of your “normal”, it’s probably similar to many but not the same as others close to you. Just be compassionate to everyone regardless of their circumstances, because just around the corner is another fork in the road.

 

 

Our emotional and mental health affects our physical health.

I encourage you to prioritise all three in order to navigate the forks in the road, build new bridges and keep your foundations strong.


Thanks for caring and sharing! :)


Love Krissy Regan, The Wellness Poet


 

 

 

Tips to Manage and Motivate Remote Teams - BDMag

Posted on 28 May, 2020 at 23:20 Comments comments (0)

In this article I provide 7 Tips to manage and motivate remote teams in the age of working from home.  This is based on 20 years experience managing remote projects and teams all over the world.  


https://www.bdmag.com.au/7-tips-to-manage-and-motivate-a-remote-team/

Tips to Avoiding Burnout during Lockdown - Kiddipedia

Posted on 28 May, 2020 at 23:15 Comments comments (0)

In this article I share my hints and tips for avoiding burnout during Lockdown and pratical self-care ideas for parents.  

https://kiddipedia.com.au/how-can-we-avoid-burnout-during-lockdown/" target="_blank">http://https://kiddipedia.com.au/how-can-we-avoid-burnout-during-lockdown/

Am I doing Enough - Kiddipedia

Posted on 28 May, 2020 at 23:15 Comments comments (0)

In this article for Kiddipedia I share my insights on the hidden costs of doing and what to consider when choosing what to embrace in our life.  


https://kiddipedia.com.au/am-i-doing-enough/?fbclid=IwAR13IYOH7D8p2gPe8e58rEzOhB8PmDVHS8XRTMdQEXu3ss-D5FzCDsL6noo

Honour the Relationship!

Posted on 3 October, 2019 at 1:50 Comments comments (0)

If you are enjoying school holidays with your kids, it’s probably taken you a few days to switch out of work mode and into holiday mode, if you are lucky enough to have time off with your family. Reminding yourself to be present with your kids and watch them grow by playing with them, as they jump their silly’s out, is also a great stress relief for you. So, let your hair down and have childish fun these holidays! I’ve not slept much these holidays thanks to my youngest who is growing so fast and she gets me a up a few times a night to enjoy her progress but I have had lots of fun enjoying special time with my big girl (5).


Like most mums, I’m learning every day how to be a parent (just starting with that and hoping for good!). Let’s face it, every day is different and every week is a new “stage”! If you know someone who knows everything about parenting, “unfriend” them – chances are they are a knobhead!


Earlier this year I read somewhere that we need to, “Honour the Relationship, Not the Task!” And I believe this important piece of advice has changed my relationship with my eldest child. I practise this little mantra while mentally juggling the household chores and parenting. An example is the battle to get ready for school in the morning whilst sleep deprived and cereal all over the floor, getting smooshed from one end to the other! Not to mention that I aspire to leave the house fully clothed without morning breath, gross I know, but I gave up make-up long ago to save time.


“Honouring the Relationship and not the Task” means to put your relationship first and to have in the forefront of your mind, how you feel about each other (I love this child). In my case I don’t want to seem like a bossy, controlling, shouty mum, so I’m practising compassion and empathy for my eldest and taking a bit more time to be with her when she needs me. I try to make the mornings as least stressful as possible by being organised for both of us. It’s a challenge and takes practise and I know other parents have stressful mornings too, so I’m always looking for new ways to save time and not stressing about what still needs to be done.

I’m the first to admit that sometimes in my sleep deprived state I suck at this but I remind myself to try harder next time and not beat myself up, it’s not their fault the tasks are endless and I’m exhausted!


5 things I do to make mornings run smoother.

1. Lunch boxes made the day/s before. I make school lunch boxes on Sunday and Tuesday so I know they are ready (in the fridge) and I don’t have to add that to my morning to do list.

2. Sunday night, school bags are packed and put into the car for the week ahead.

3. Each night the uniform or clothes for the next day are put out at the end of the bed. Usually this is done when the kids are getting ready for bed with a reminder to get dressed in the morning.

4. Spare hats and water bottles in the car. It’s annoying to arrive at school and know you left the hat or water-bottle at home. Spares in the car always come in handy.

5. Coffee to go! My favourite reusable cup is never far from my side in the morning.



Another valuable thing I have learned this year as a task orientated person and working parent is that my choice of words can help make daily tasks go smoother with the kids. I have switched my language to include more “Could” phrases. “You could eat your breakfast now”, “You could put your shoes on now”, “You could brush your teeth now”!

Could versus Should phrases help reframe statements and therefore kids will feel like they have a choice and more readily participate in what you are asking them to do. This strategy has helped me immensely in getting my 5yr old on task in the morning and participate in chores at home.


We cement trust with our children before they are 7 years of age.  And if they trust you, they are less likely to have issues in adolescences, as they will share more of their life with you, and hopefully talk to you about their emotions. This is not my parenting tip but actual research that has been done by professionals and it feels sensible to me.  I want to be the best mum I can be, so my kids look after me when I’m old, so I’m a firm advocate for that. “Honouring the Relationships not the Task” is an important part of building trust.

I’m reminding myself of this again as the holidays wind up and we approach the downhill run to Christmas (aghhhh!). I hope it’s a good reminder for you too.


Thanks for caring and sharing. 8)

A Recipe for Soup!

Posted on 9 September, 2019 at 1:05 Comments comments (0)

I’m blessed with 2 beautiful girls, a nice home and a husband who loves me in his own kind of way – when I’m not shouting at him…………:/


But I admit that week to week I have stuff that brings me stress and frustration like many mothers of small children. And as a working parent, I’m working hard to find a balance between being a good mum, not letting my employers down, trying to not be too shouty a wife and to find time for self-care, whilst juggling the household running and school running… you know the constant running!


I’m a Libran (Scales) so apparently balance is important to me – but I don’t ever recollect having it. Did I lose it somewhere or just miss the introductory course that comes with my star sign? My life is constantly out of balance and there seems to be a never-ending pile of admin to do (don’t mention the laundry!).


I know many other women have the same challenges and lots of books have been written about it. Dr Libby gives lectures on Overcoming Overwhelm and Rushing Women’s Syndrome, so there is a very popular moment behind women’s issues right now.

So, here’s the thing I want to float – We made this Soup for ourselves! We need to UNMAKE it!

Or just enjoy the ingredients raw and not try to cook them so much – Are you with me?

This is a metaphor obviously. “We have all the ingredients for Soup – but we don’t need to make Soup!”


If you are still reading now, well done and thanks!  You may be curious about "How NOT to make Soup," when society tells you to make Soup and post about it on Instagram.



Here’s my rules on NOT making Soup!


• Resist the urge to get Busy! PERIOD!

• Balance starts with Boundaries! Make some!

• Ask yourself – What will this cost me? Then check if the cost is worth the effort!

• There are no perfect jobs! Be proud of your work regardless!

• Exhaustion is NOT a badge of Honour! That’s a mugs game!

• Reflection is Healthy – Rumination is Unhealthy!

• Don’t deflect Gratitude! Accept it with Pleasure!

• Fear debilitates our health system and toxic emotions destroy our Liver! Let go of Fear and Anger!

• Happiness propels you towards your goal! Finding things to be happy about will get you there faster!

• Forget about the Soup! Honour the ingredients!



The best soups have the fewest ingredients and are made with Love. However sometimes in the rush of life, the endless tasks, the constant doing and the high expectations we set for ourselves and others we forget that we have all the ingredients in our basket already – The Scales ARE Balanced.



Someone I know well died recently and he was relatively young and left behind a small child and his wife. When people we know pass away, it reminds you to be thankful and sometimes it can be a wake-up call to others. What I’ve been thinking about is this. “When we die, people don’t remember how hard we worked or how much soup we made! They remember if we were Kind and Happy and Cared for others.”


Kind, Happy and Caring are 3 ingredients that make the perfect soup and don’t cost you anything!

Next time you feel like making soup, getting busy, taking on more and doing too much – just ask yourself what ingredients are you honouring!


Thanks for caring about yourself and others and sharing a kind word to make others happy and inspired to do the same. 


I hope you will share this blag!  :)

@thewellnesspoet


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